Dottie lives in Rindge with her humans Eric and Marsha

By Eric Poor

My wife had been working on her laptop, snacking on raisins and walnuts, while absentmindedly giving Dottie the housecat some of those cat treats they sell in plastic jars at the supermarket. Suddenly she was looking at me with enormous eyes, mouth open, tongue hanging out. Her expression was somewhere between OMG and I can’t believe I just did that. Never particularly ambidextrous she’d lost track of which hand was doing what and popped a cat treat.

She proceeded to do a great imitation of the cat hacking up a hairball.

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help myself. I burst out laughing. I’m talking roll around on the floor until the tears come into your eyes laughter. I know that wasn’t nice, but some things simply cannot be contained. You try to stop a laugh like that and you could hurt yourself – I’m talking hernia here.

If it makes anyone feel any better about me I’ve got to add that I did subsequently apologize – profusely – and often.

Ever read the list of ingredients on those jars of cat treats?  They contain things like “animal digest” and “chicken by-products meal.”  Certainly sounds tasty.  Out of curiosity I removed the cover and took a healthy sniff just to get an idea of what a cat treat might taste like. I immediately replaced the cover.

Wow! That really says something about the appetites of the average housecat.

Now if it’s dog treat you’re interested in, I’m your guy. Yes, I’m guilty. I confess. I once nibbled on a milk bone dog biscuit. In my defense I have to say I was a teenager at the time. There’s no accounting for the things teenagers do. And admit it, you’ve always secretly wondered what those dog cookies taste like, haven’t you?

I grew up in a family that raised Saint Bernard dogs. You show a dog biscuit to a Saint Bernard and you instantly have two-foot-long ropes of drool puddling on the floor. If it elicits that kind of response it must be some kind of tasty, right?

Wrong.

As I remember it, a dog biscuit starts out hard as a rock and slowly softens as your salivary glands go into overdrive in an effort to render it edible. The result is … bland mush.

I asked a group of friends how many of them had ever nibbled a dog cookie. They all raised their hands. No kidding. I’ve got to say I really don’t know why dogs get so worked up over these things. My assessment of the whole business is that cats have much more interesting treats.

Not that I would ever try one. If you have, please raise your hand.

Eric Poor is a retired award-winning journalist who worked for the weekly Monadnock Ledger newspaper and the twice-weekly Monadnock Ledger-Transcript. An avid outdoor sports enthusiast, he also writes articles for Hawkeye, New Hampshire’s hunting and fishing newspaper. He has freelanced articles to publications like the New Hampshire Wildlife Journal and the Keene Sentinel newspaper’s ELF Weekly. He lives in Rindge with his wife, Marsha and their cat Dottie.